My #1 Favorite Practice for When Things Go Sideways
So there you are, my high-achieving friend, moving along with your life – navigating (likely) a mix of hormonal flux, career demands, caregiver obligations and, you know, life. You had been doing pretty well the past few weeks – feeling on top of things and getting it done like you usually do. The systems, rituals and routines were working and you were working them. That’s such a good feeling, right?
But then something happened. Life got life-y as it tends to do.
Maybe you caught that sore throat your kiddo brought home from school or your hormones were doing somersaults and you were struggling with insomnia and brain fog. Maybe you went on vacation and were having the best time.
No matter what happened, you got derailed and the anxiety has officially crept in. Now you’re feeling overwhelmed and in a downward spiral, and you don’t know how to get back on track. Meanwhile, your inner critic has grabbed the closest megaphone and is yammering on about how you’ll never meet your goals and there’s really no point in trying. Maybe they’re going on about how “this is what always happens” and that “overwhelm is just an excuse for laziness.”
Dang, that Inner Critic. We’re so over them.
First, I want to normalize that this pattern of feeling “on top of things” and then “not” – is just normal. Realistically, most of us have just too many things we want and need to do. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try, but it does mean that variability in our productivity rhythm is absolutely normal – especially if you wrestle with executive functioning, but also if you don’t.
But this post is not going to be another piece about micro-tasking or using your calendar as a map – though I have to admit – I find those strategies very helpful. This post is about grounding yourself when your inner critic gets mouthy. When things are feeling too much and that voice inside is not helping matters.
To Whom It May Concern: The Power of Writing to Yourself
My favorite practice for supporting yourself during these times of overwhelm and self-doubt is actually preemptive, meaning to prepare for them because they are just part of life. And I like to do this in the form of letter writing when things are going well. Very, very well.
Stay with me and scroll back up to the beginning of this post.
Remember just a few weeks ago you were feeling so on top of things? Life not only felt doable, but like you were winning? Those are the times we have to soak in and honestly, we so rarely do.
When the world feels like too much it’s very hard to remember that it can feel otherwise.
When we're overwhelmed, our perspective tends to narrow. We lose touch with our capabilities, our resources, and sometimes even our sense of who we are. A letter written during a time of confidence and clarity can help us reconnect with those parts of ourselves when they're harder to access.
Taking the time to write a formal letter to yourself about how good things feel, the wisdom you embody and the action steps you take to get yourself where you want to be is a powerful tool because it’s coming from YOU.
I recommend this practice to my clients, my friends and family, and I use it myself. You can make it a short note or a long, detailed letter. But I invite you to give it a try.
An easy template to follow:
A warm introduction acknowledging what you're experiencing.
Naming and normalizing the situation with compassion.
Sharing how things are going when you're writing the letter, including your strengths, wisdom, and previous successes.
Naming specific people, practices, and resources that help you feel grounded.
And finally, some encouraging words.
Here’s an example of what this practice could look like in brief:
Dear Self,
If you’re reading this it’s because things may have gotten off track and now you’re feeling down and defeated. This happens and you know it. It’s okay to give yourself the time to rest up and recharge before starting again, but then you’ll want to start. Your projects are important to us and so is taking care of your health and your family.
Remember, it always helps to listen to Beyonce, get outside for a walk, call Sheila – she’ll make you laugh. Remember, that you want a rich full life and to have that you have to keep showing up for it.
I know you can do this. If you feel stuck, I know that happens, start with the smallest thing and keep building momentum from there.
You can do this.
I love you,
Me
How We Talk to Ourselves Is Important
One of the most important relationships we'll ever have is the one we cultivate with ourselves. And like any meaningful relationship, it requires attention and care.
This simple practice brings together so much of what I value in my work as a therapist: creativity, self-compassion, inner wisdom, and the capacity to become a trusted source of support for ourselves.
When we treat ourselves well – physically, emotionally, spiritually … all else follows.
I hope this practice is helpful to you.
Until next time, wishing you health and ease,
Jessika
Please note: All ideas, thoughts, musings and psychological and spiritual insights expressed in this piece are written by me, Jessika Fruchter, LMFT. A machine did not write this, promise.
About Jessika Fruchter LMFT – Specialized Therapy for Midlife Women in Oakland
Jessika Fruchter, LMFT, (Lic. 97617) is based in Oakland, California. She offers specialized mental health care for women navigating perimenopause and all things midlife. She offers individual and group therapy support to women throughout the state of California. This work integrates feminist psychology, somatic approaches, narrative therapy, and psychospiritual practices to support meaningful and sustainable change.
👉 Learn more about working with me
👉 Book an initial consultation (for women in California)
👉 Download my free journal prompts for Midlife Inquiry
She also writes frequently about issues of midlife, spirituality, and mental health on her blog: Minding Midlife and Substack: We Were Made For This.