When It all Falls Apart: Here’s how to Navigate the Hardest Times

Embroidered heart on cracked concrete represents grief and anxiety women feel. Therapy in San Diego for women helps clients heal from anxiety and stress. — Photo Credit: Ante Gudelj | Unpslash

At one point or another in our journeys something (or sometimes many things) happen to make it feel like our lives are falling apart at the seams. You may question your safety, security, relationships or identity. These moments are seminal.

For those of you familiar with imagery of tarot, we’re talking the tower card. Maybe this is the loss of a job or relationship. Maybe it’s a health issue. Or maybe even a global pandemic. It’s an event(s) that rocks our world. And we never saw it coming or maybe we did, but kept blinders on.

If you are reading this, I imagine you have experienced a time or times like this in your life. Or perhaps you’re going through one now. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. These times in our lives are vulnerable and raw, and so very human. In this post we’re going to talk about how to find your footing when life has brought you to your knees.

But first, Feel Your Feelings

When hard times hit, sometimes the most important thing we can do is be present with what’s happening. This involves feeling what are often strong, difficult emotions like sadness, anger and fear. We may also have symptoms of anxiety and trauma such as numbness, disassociation, difficulty sleeping and hyper vigilance. All of these feelings are understandable human responses to the hardest life experiences. Let yourself cry. Let yourself rest. Let yourself scream.

By giving yourself space to feel, you are cleaning out your wound. And that is important work. Rumi's poem The Guest House speaks beautifully to this practice.

Hold off on Meaning-Making

One thing I like to emphasize to my clients is that while it is so valuable to feel our emotions and give them space, the stories that we often attach to those feelings are not always accurate or helpful. Especially when we’ve just suffered a big loss or upsetting event.

Here’s an example of what I mean:

“I feel sad.”

vs

“I feel sad and it’s never going to get better.”

The second sentence has a negative story attached to the emotion. Be extra mindful of stories that include words like: never, ever or always. The truth is we often try to make sense of things or find lessons too soon. Instead, what we may need is …

A “right Now Plan”

You feel your world has been leveled and you’re not even sure how to rebuild … let’s take a pause and focus on taking care of your heart and spirit first. The rest will come in time.

For Right Now, Consider ...

#1. CUTTING YOURSELF SOME SLACK
It's more than okay if you are not feeling as motivated as you were. Practice letting go of productivity as you knew it a couple of weeks ago. What can it look like right now? Maybe making the bed is the task of the day or maybe its working on a big project in small chunks to minimize overwhelm.

#2. IDENTIFY YOUR SUPPORT TEAM

Are you someone who is used to handling everything on their own? Most of my clients are. And it doesn’t have to be this way. When the your world comes crashing down, what better time to practice asking for support. Is there one or two people you feel comfortable sharing with? Are there concrete asks you can make? Do you feel like you would benefit from professional support and guidance? I'm here to help.

#3. DEVELOPING A (FLEXIBLE) SCHEDULE
We often talk about how important structure is for kiddos, but adults benefit too. Structure increases a feeling of containment and safety and often decreases feelings of anxiety. I highly recommend creating some schedule for your day, even if it just includes a few self-care tasks. Schedule them in and hold yourself to them.

#4. LIMITING MEDIA EXPOSURE
What we read, watch and listen to impacts us - consciously and unconsciously. Check in with yourself. The news media and social media serve important functions, but how much media is helpful to you? Does media help you feel connected or does it trigger fear and hopelessness?The answer can vary daily.

#5. PRACTICING PRAYER OR MEDITATION (or both) Whether you are connecting to a higher power or your higher self, or you need a break from inner chatter, making prayer or meditation a regular part of your schedule can be grounding. If you are new to meditation, I recommend the Head Space app. It has many options for those new to meditation and those who are experienced.

#6. RESTING
Last, but not least ... yes, if you feel like taking a nap, please take a nap. It's good for you. The day-to-day may feel exhausting right now. Let yourself recharge and support others in doing the same.

You Don’t Have to Go it Alone

I don’t get tired of writing that we don’t need to go through hard times alone. Our Western culture romanticizes rugged individualism and the go-it-alone mentality. All of this perpetuates injury.

Symptoms of anxiety, stress and trauma thrive in isolation. Instead, what if we moved toward interdependence? Seeking out support through psychotherapy, coaching and/or group work may feel nourishing and helpful in the process. If you're interested in learning more about how I work with women and girls around this very topic, please feel free to reach out. I'd love to hear from you.

Till next time, wishing you all health and ease,

Jessika

Ready for a Change? Let's Chat!

Other services offered by Jessika Fruchter, LMFT- Therapy for Women and Girls

Groups and Workshops for Women: Magic happens when women come together! I offer new groups and workshops quarterly, both online and in-person. Topics and themes have included:

Therapeutic Writing
Mask Making
Tarot Practice for Developing Intuition
Women’s Circles

Clinical Consultation for Therapists:

I specialize in collaborating with clinicians who want to integrate expressive arts therapy or psychospiritual practices such as tarot therapy, dreamwork, altar making, and ritual, into their practices. I also offer training on these topics. To learn more about my offerings for clinicians visit: www.mycreativepractice.com.

Training for Psychotherapists:

I have a passion for providing creative and useful training to teams on the front line of community mental health. Past training has focused on trauma-informed expressive arts therapy interventions and burnout prevention. Training may also be developed/tailored based on the unique need of the team. Contact me here.

Books and Blogs:

Check out my first book project for teens published in September 2021. For articles and essays about women’s mental health and wellness, check out my blog, Say More and you can also subscribe to receive the latest updates.