Part II: Perimenopause as a Rite of Passage
We’re back and unpacking more about the perimenopause transition.
My last post gave the lowdown on what perimenopause is and isn’t, this week we’re taking a deep dive into claiming the perimenopause transition as a rite of passage in our culture that has minimized and/or hyper-medicalized it.
First, some context.
Women spend on average 40 years following their body’s cycles and unique hormonal flows until menstruation fully stops. For better and worse, our cycles becomes familiar, known. This is what poet Lucille Clifton speaks to in her poem My Last Period where she says goodbye to her companion of 38 years. By the way, if you have never read Ms. Clifton’s writing about menstruation, it’s gorgeous and nourishing for anyone going through this transition.
But I digress.
When we enter perimenopause, our bodies, minds and souls begin preparation for the end of our “reproductive years” and for a new chapter to begin.
This is huge.
Here, we leave the known and enter an in-between space where we may stay for up to a decade. Perimenopause quite literally means: “around menopause.” It’s a time that may be shrouded in uncomfortable symptoms and shame/discomfort with getting older. Understandably, many women experience grief, irritability and feelings of isolation. In fact, women in perimenopause are at higher risk of experiencing mental health challenges.
But what if we created a different experience for women?
By framing perimenopause as a rite of passage from one life stage to the next, there is reassurance we are not alone in our experiences. As I’ve shared before, all women who live long enough will experience perimenopause and then menopause. These are stages of development, not illnesses.
Second, naming perimenopause as a rite of passage creates a container to hold a life changing experience that might otherwise feel senseless and/or overwhelming. It also encourages each of us to create a narrative that helps shape our experience. What if we stopped looking at this time in life as a decline and began looking at it as an opportunity to step into our power fully, to be the fullest version of ourselves?
we are moving toward personal power, not decline.
In fact, many women report feeling they enter an era of better defined boundaries and less tolerance for situations and relationships that don’t fully support them. Many of us may be able to thank hormonal fluctuations for thinning our filters and lessening our patience for things that should likely never have been tolerated to begin with.
Honoring a Natural transition
Lastly, honoring perimenopause in this way, restores the sacred to a natural transition. Women deserve to be held and guided through it - emotionally, physically and spiritually.
With scaffolding in place, perimenopause can be more than a time of discomfort. It can be a time of reckoning and reconciliation. A time for women to care for themselves fiercely and support each other with just as much care. It is a time of infinite possibility and transformation.
5 ways to Honor perimenopause
as a Rite of Passage
Make art representing your unique passage. There are no rules here, but one of my favorite art directives is to make a mask based on an archetype you associate with your transition - this may be the queen, priestess, teacher mentor.
Begin therapy with a mental health professional who specializes in perimenopause and the midlife transition. Currently, there are no certifications for mental health care in this stage of life (don’t get me started!), but look for therapists who note perimenopause as an area of interest or speciality on their web site or directly listing. My next blog post will talk more explicitly about building your perimenopause care team.
Gather in community with other women to talk about your experience and share resources and support. This may happen organically within friend circles or more formally through facilitated support groups.
Designing a ritual can be a powerful way to mark change. Again, the possibilities are endless here. I’m including a link here to another blog post on creating ritual in everyday life. Feel free to check it out for ideas and inspiration.
Honor your feelings and needs - all of them. Many women actually report liberation in feeling their feelings fully, and simply not having the ability or desire to filter their emotions. This may be one of the biggest gifts of perimenopause. Give yourself space and grace in this process. Also, and this is a big one, let those close to you know what you are experiencing and how they may support you.
Closing Thoughts
I am so excited to share this second, of three blog posts, in my series about perimenopause and mental health. As well, I’m excited to announce my new speciality offering supporting women navigating perimenopause and midlife transition.
While this post focused on reclaiming the experience of perimenopause, in week 3, we’ll talk cultivating wellness and finding the specialized support you deserve.
Lastly, I’ll add that if you find your feelings to be overwhelming, you do not have to go through it alone. Having a guide and witness, like a therapist, can make all the difference in your journey. I offer specialized holistic therapy for women in California and I would love to support you.
Remember, here’s where we get to write our new narrative, both individually and collectively. It’s choose your own adventure time.
Let’s move forward educated, confident and cared for.
