On Making Peace with your Midlife Body
I’ll be real—this cultural fixation on weight gain and body composition during perimenopause has me deeply fired up.
As if this phase of life weren’t vulnerable enough, the wellness industry has outdone itself in preying on women’s insecurities about aging and fears about long-term health. Suddenly, everyone’s selling a remedy —when in many cases, there may not even be a problem to fix.
Metabolic health, like all health, is deeply individual and should be assessed in partnership with a trusted, knowledgeable provider—not dictated by influencers, google searches or self-proclaimed wellness gurus.
In a recent Instagram post, I shared how the obsession with “meno-belly” may be doing more harm than good, especially when it comes to our mental health. The current messaging feeds the narrative that our bodies are betraying us. It keeps us at war with our bodies at a time in life when we most need, and truly deserve compassion, support, and reconnection.
This blog continues that conversation—a deeper dive into our relationship with our bodies and nourishment in midlife and how we can begin to move toward something more nourishing: reverence, respect, and radical body peace.
The Hidden Struggle of Disordered Eating in Midlife
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re among the majority of women who’ve struggled—at some point—with what it means to eat “healthy.” Many of us wrestled with food in adolescence, carried that tension into young adulthood, and now—here we are again. Feeling like strangers in our own bodies, wondering how to eat in a way that might fix what suddenly feels off.
And to be clear, I’m not just talking about diagnosable eating disorders that have specific criteria —though that’s a critical conversation, too. What I’m naming here is any relationship with food that causes stress, guilt, or shame. A relationship that keeps you mentally tallying what you did or didn’t eat, sparks anxiety around meals, or leaves you feeling like you’re never quite getting it right.
Any of that sound familiar? These are the experiences of so many women speak with. And these patterns often go hand-in-hand with fixation on weight, inches, body composition, and clothing size—metrics that have long been held up as moral achievements for women. And let’s not forget: most of these standards were created with white, European women in mind, which adds an additional layer of exclusion and toxicity.
The problem? So much of this has become normalized that we barely recognize it as harmful.
In midlife (or at any stage, really), it seems women are far more likely to be praised for losing weight than screened for disordered eating. There’s a collective blind spot around how deeply the physical changes of perimenopause can resurface old wounds, especially in a culture that equates thinness with virtue and aging with failure.
But disordered eating isn’t just about food. It’s about control and shame. And it’s about an injured relationship with our bodies. It’s about how deeply we’ve been conditioned to distrust our bodies—to override our needs, ignore our hunger, and disconnect from the very vessel that carries us through life.
Wellness or War?
The wellness industry often presents itself as the solution: detoxes, hormone-balancing supplements, meal plans, and endless content about boosting metabolism. And while there is absolute value in understanding how your metabolic health and hormones shift during perimenopause and menopause—especially in partnership with a trusted, evidence-based provider—the line between support and obsession is easy to cross.
When “wellness” becomes another word for body surveillance, when health becomes conflated with thinness, and when “self-care” demands constant restriction or discipline, we’re not healing—we’re still at war. And that war is exhausting.
The Body As Home
We have an invitation to end the war. To put down the tools of measurement, comparison, and criticism and instead build something different: a relationship of care, curiosity, and deep appreciation.
Our bodies are not problems to solve. They are homes we live in. They have gotten us through heartbreak and births, sickness and joy, decades of life and learning. They hold our stories, our wisdom, our pleasure, our power.
To be clear, this doesn’t mean ignoring health concerns. It means partnering with providers who see the whole person, not just the weight or lab numbers. It means focusing on how we feel—our energy, sleep, strength, digestion, mood—instead of treating the scale like a measure of worth.
Rebuilding Trust: What Healing Can Look Like
Healing our relationship with our bodies isn’t necessarily about achieving constant body love. For many, that idea feels out of reach—or even forced. It might look more like body neutrality, if that feels more authentic to you. Either way, the shift is from judgment to self-compassion, from rigidity to trust.
If this concept resonates, I highly recommend exploring Intuitive Eating, and if you’re seeking more personalized support, consider working with a dietitian who specializes in midlife nutrition and uses an Intuitive Eating approach.
Rebuilding trust might look like:
Passing on diet culture, even when it’s dressed up as a “wellness plan.”
Speaking kindly to your reflection—or simply choosing silence over critique.
Buying clothes that fit your current body and reflect who you are now.
Nourishing yourself with food, movement, rest, and pleasure—not punishment.
Seeking help for disordered eating, even if you think you're "too old" to be struggling.
And perhaps most importantly: recognizing that the way you relate to your body sets the tone for every other relationship in your life. Because when we are at war with ourselves, it's nearly impossible to show up fully anywhere else.
Final Thoughts: The Reckoning & Return
I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it: midlife is a powerful threshold. A chance to reckon with the beliefs we’ve carried—and to release the ones that never served us.
Part of that reckoning is realizing: Our worth was never tied to our waistlines.
This body—your body—exactly as it is today, is worthy of care, of reverence, of rest. Healing how we relate to our bodies may just be the first step in healing everything else.
I’m done with the war. Are you? Let’s return home to our bodies—together.
Till next time, wishing you health & ease,
Jessika
Support for women’s healing, growth + Wellness in New Orleans and San Francisco
A little about me …
Hi, my name is Jessika Fruchter LMFT and I’m a feminist psychotherapist, expressive arts therapist, writer and educator. I provide online holistic psychotherapy for women in California and Louisiana who are navigating the perimenopause transition and all things midlife. Together we tend to matters of the mind, body and spirit.
I believe personal healing is a revolutionary act. I say it often. And in these (continued) turbulent times, I believe it now more than ever.
If you think spiritually-integrated therapy might be right for you, and you live in the states of Louisiana or California, I’m here to support. Here are a couple of steps to move forward …
Schedule a free initial consultation here
Of if you have questions … Let's chat.I’m happy to answer any questions you have.
Also please know there are directories where you may seek out other feminist therapists in your area. Inclusive Therapist and Therapy Den are two great places to start.
