Tis the season to love-up on yourself ... or it should be.
Pretty much everyone who blogs is writing about the holidays in one way or another right now. And therapists are filling the Web with how-to-get-through-the-holiday-season posts. As a therapist for women in California, I’m here doing the same, and it's for good reason.
For better or worse the holidays shine a light on all that's there and all that's not.
Grief, anger, irritability, sadness, and anxiety are all common (and understandable) feelings. We’re inundated with the Hollywood version of what the holidays are meant to feel and look like, and the bar is just too dang high.
It’s OK to be Tired.
Family and social dynamics often cause stress, but we are also winding down from another whirlwind year. We have been bombarded with traumatic news cycle after news cycle. As well, many folks have been navigating shifting identities and priorities. This year they’ve been asking the big questions. And it’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to feel tender.
Be Radically Kind to Yourself
In times like these, I believe one of the most important things we can do is to love up on ourselves fiercely, in all the ways imaginable.
You may wonder what that looks like. Fair enough. While it depends on the individual, ultimately the goal is to be radically kind to ourselves. It’s to comfort ourselves during a time when the pot is stirred and our wounds are tender. Ask yourself: what feels good – emotionally, physically, spiritually? Maybe you’re not sure. A good therapist can serve as a guide and support.
You Cannot Give From an Empty Well
For some this idea may feel indulgent, especially when the message we receive is that the winter holidays are about giving to others. Don’t get me wrong, I love that idea if it feels right for you. But here's a truth I hold close: you can not give from an empty well.
Ultimately, acts of self-love enhance our relationship with ourselves and increase our capacity to offer grace and empathy in situations or relationships that otherwise prove challenging.
If you’re not sure how to get started, I’ve got you.
Here are five prompts to help you with loving up on yourself:
How are you talking to yourself?
Are your thoughts compassionate or are they harsh and shaming? If it’s the latter what can you do to neutralize them?
Are you saying yes, no and maybe to the right things?
We need to normalize opting out of activities that cause us distress. That includes holidays. Practice saying “No, thank you” or “I’d love to, but I need to see how I feel.” You’re allowed to set boundaries, even during the holidays!
Slow down and get cozy!
Creature comforts help soothe our nervous systems and our metaphorical hearts too. What foods, scents or fabrics help you to feel calm and safe? Give that to yourself.
Who can you connect with?
Asking for support can be challenging when we identify as independent. But the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Community care is essential to navigating hard times. If the idea of reaching out feels daunting, try picking just one person to share your experience.
Lower the bar!
You do not need to maintain your regular level of “productivity.” The days are shorter, nights longer. Allow yourself to do less on all fronts.
Closing Thoughts
Lastly, I’ll add that if you find your feelings to be overwhelming, you do not have to go through it alone. Having a therapist or group to support and guide you through rough times can make all the difference. I offer Therapy for Women in California to support and guide you. Please reach out.
Wishing you all a peaceful and loved-up end to 2023.
Jessika
Online Therapy for Women in California - the Support You’ve Been Seeking.
My approach is holistic and tailored to each client’s needs. Whatever your struggles, whatever your goals, we work as a team. I'm in this with you - warm, direct, and transparent in the process. And I love the work I do. Let’s get started!
Other services offered by Jessika Fruchter, LMFT- Therapy for Women and Girls
In addition to providing Therapy for Women in California, I also offer online psychotherapy and expressive arts therapy for teen girls in California.
Other Services Include:
Groups and Workshops for Women: Magic happens when women come together! I offer new groups and workshops quarterly, both online and in-person. Topics and themes have included:
Therapeutic Writing
Mask Making
Tarot Practice for Developing Intuition
Women’s Circles
Clinical Consultation for Therapists:
I specialize in collaborating with clinicians who want to integrate expressive arts therapy or psychospiritual practices such as tarot therapy, dreamwork, altar making, and ritual, into their practices. I also offer training on these topics. To learn more about my offerings for clinicians visit: www.mycreativepractice.com.
Training for Psychotherapists:
I have a passion for providing creative and useful training to teams on the front line of community mental health. Past training has focused on trauma-informed expressive arts therapy interventions and burnout prevention. Training may also be developed/tailored based on the unique need of the team. Contact me here.
Books and Blogs:
Check out my first book project for teens published in September 2021. For articles and essays about women’s mental health and wellness, check out my blog, Say More and you can also subscribe to receive the latest updates.
