Believe it or not sensitivity is a real-life super power, though I get it may not always feel that way. Why would it when you’ve probably been asked more times than you care to remember: Why are you so sensitive? As if sensitivity is a deficit or something to be ashamed of.
 
Rather than write about why that’s a trash question (and it is), let’s take a minute to look at the nuanced experience of the highly sensitive person or HSP.

While I’ve categorized four types of sensitivity for this post, please know that there are as many types and combined types as there are people in the world. For instance, some people are more emotionally sensitive, meaning the actions and words of others may strongly impact their feeling states or moods. Sometimes people who are emotionally sensitive also identify as empaths – those who are easily able to sense the emotional states of others. Meanwhile, other HSPs may experience sensory sensitivity (sight, sound, taste, hearing, touch) or mental sensitivity wherein folks are easily excited or overwhelmed by ideas or conversation. And then there are those who are energetically sensitive. This last category is a bit more ambiguous in nature, but it speaks to the experience of walking into a room and sensing a collective energy - a vibe - if you will.
 
While we often hear about the challenges of being highly sensitive, which may include overwhelm or fatigue or even distress due to bullying or gaslighting, rarely do we talk about the joys of being sensitive because our culture focuses so heavily on pathologizing difference. But the truth is, HSPs are just as likely to experience heightened sense of connection, beauty and pleasure as they are challenging emotions and experiences. It’s also worth noting that HSPs often take on the roles of counselors, healers, artists, and other positions that require heightened levels of insight, empathy and imagination. So how can we move towards embracing the full HSP experience that honors the joys and mystery, as well as the challenges that may come with feeling things strongly? Here are some starting points.
 
Reclaim Your Narrative
First, let’s be mindful of the story we’re telling ourselves and others about our sensitivity. When we’ve been told different is wrong, over time we internalize those messages and it results in us retelling that same story. What if we flip the script and take some time to think about all the joy and beauty that comes from being highly sensitive? Not to replace the challenges mind you, but to present a more robust and accurate picture. What if we tell ourselves a fuller story and share it? How does that change the felt experience of being an HSP?
 
Find your People
Being an HSP without a tribe can be a lonely and even destabilizing experience. Shared experience and connection bolster mental wellbeing. If you’re lacking relationships with other HSPs or folks who can hold your full experience you may want to check out Meet Up groups and/or Facebook Groups for HSPs as a first step.
 
​Set Boundaries
If you find people close to you offering unsolicited or unhelpful advice, pathologizing (i.e. talking smack) about your experience, or even making general comments about your sensitivity, I encourage you to practice setting boundaries. This may feel challenging at first, but boundary setting is a healthy part of relationships and feels more natural with practice. If you’re someone that gets tripped up on words, no need to over think it. You may start with a simple statement such as: “I understand you’re trying to help, but I’d rather not talk about this.”
 
Get Professional Support
Maybe you’re struggling to navigate the world as an HSP or you’ve experienced the trauma of gaslighting – which many HSPs have. Maybe you’re holding your own, but exhausted and ready to feel more grounded in your own experience. Either way, seeking professional counseling from a psychotherapist who understands the HSP experience can be an essential next step.  If you’re in California and would like to chat, I would love to hear from you. Or please feel free to check out the HSP Therapist Directory here which offers listings of therapists globally.
 
Meanwhile, I hope you’ll be kind to yourself and remember: You are a gift to the world. Act accordingly.
 
Till next time, wishing you health and ease,
Jessika

If you're feeling crispy around the edges these days – checked out and exhausted - you're not alone.

For good reason, discussion of burnout is becoming more and more common in mainstream and social media, workplace environments and amongst friends and family. For sure, burnout is having a moment and the conversation is long overdue. 

So, what exactly is burnout and how do you know if you’re experiencing it? Definitions vary, but by and large, anyone can experience burnout if they sustain an activity or pace that is just, well, unsustainable for you.
 
Symptoms of burnout include: feelings of overwhelm, mental and physical exhaustion, emotional numbness, irritability, difficulty focusing, and lack of empathy for others and self, aka compassion fatigue. Physical health ailments may also be part of the package. As a psychotherapist working with high-achieving women and girls, I see this constellation of symptoms regularly in my practice, often with a backdrop of anxiety, stress and/or trauma.
 
Those in helping professions, frontline workers and caregivers are also more vulnerable to experiencing some or all of these symptoms. Women, and BIPOC women in particular, provide a disproportionate amount of emotional labor to their families and communities putting them at higher-risk as well.

To be clear, burnout is not a character flaw. Say it with me: There's nothing wrong with you!  It’s actually an expected response given the context.

Our fatigue is the result of a culture that glamorizes busyness and values productivity to an unhealthy degree. Those messages get internalized over time and often we don’t even know it's happened until we’re feeling the psychological and physical effects.
 
There's a spoken and unspoken pressure to perform personally, socially and professionally and for that reason, there is no easy fix to burnout because it’s not just about us. We're navigating broken systems, but for sure there are steps we can take to reclaim our sovereignty and our mental and physical health despite the persistence of hustle culture. So, let’s talk about four ways to get started.
 
Practice Self-Compassion
First and foremost, be gentle with yourself. It won’t help to beat yourself up over feeling tired or unmotivated. For some, practicing self-compassion can feel tricky, but think of how you would support someone you cared for (a friend or family member, perhaps) if they were feeling overwhelmed, exhausted or ill. What would you say to them? What types of comfort would you offer? Practice offering these kindnesses to yourself as a foundation to your healing process. Psychologist, Kristin Neff, offers a variety of guided meditations and exercises on self-compassion here.
 
Practice Stepping Back (when and where you can)
Passion projects, career ambition and self-development goals are all wonderful, but when guilt and shame become part of the equation of not “reaching a goal” – it’s time to take a closer look. Start by taking inventory of your day-to-day life as it is right now. What, if anything, can you step back from? Take a look at your To-Do list and take as many items off as possible. If that feels daunting, try taking those items and putting them in a “parking lot” – a separate list of action items you can re-visit when you have more capacity.
 
Identify Protective Factors
Protective factors are the relationships, activities and practices in your life that fuel you and help you feel sustained. Author and activist, Adrienne Maree Brown talks about this concept at length in her book Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good and highlights the essential link between rest and joy, and showing up more fully in the world. I love this concept and encourage clients to seek pleasure and joy whenever/wherever possible. Sometimes this involves smaller joys like soaking in the sunshine or eating a yummy meal with your favorite person, while other times it means planning travel. Think about what fuels you and engage, engage, engage.
 
Seek Support
I feel strongly that ultimately self-care and community-care work best in tandem as we attempt to heal from collective burnout. This requires a greater shift in culture that can begin by reaching out with requests for help, as well as offerings of support when appropriate. As you begin this journey, identify a few people who you may ask to be your ally in healing. They may be family or friends, community leaders, physical health practitioners or mental health professionals. Know that you are not alone and that sharing your story and experience is brave and sacred.
 
Till next time, wishing you health & ease,
Jessika
 
To learn more about my work with women and girls message me directly or book an initial consultation here.




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Often clients seek support because they are at a crossroad, not sure what next steps to take. The situation may have to do with career or relationships, making a move or center more on identity.
 
No matter what the issue, big decisions and transitions can feel daunting and one of my favorite things to talk about with clients is growing our ability to trust ourselves when challenges like these arise. That’s because I really do believe we already have the answers we seek, though sometimes we have difficulty accessing them or even trusting ourselves in the process. Sometimes this is because we’ve received messages that reinforce self-doubt and other times its simply that we’re so busy with the buzz of daily living that we aren’t able to hear the part of ourself that knows. Really knows.
 
So if you’re struggling to make a decision or looking for guidance, this process is for you. Let’s tap in to our creativity and see what comes through.
 
Time Commitment: 2 hours over two days +/-
Materials: Pen and unlined 8x11 paper | Mixed Media Paper and Favorite Art Medium (watercolor, pens, pastels, collage materials etc) |
 
Step 1: Listen – First things first. You’ll need a quiet space and dedicated time to sit with yourself, by yourself. I suggest turning off all electronics and letting anyone you may live with know that you’ll need about an hour of undisturbed time. Make sure you’re in comfortable clothing and your paper and pen are near by. Whatever question you are sitting with, write it down and put the paper aside. If it feels appropriate, say a prayer for guidance or an intention for your process. Then, when you’re ready, sit or lay down in a way that supports relaxation. Focus first on the sensations in your body without judgment. This is a nice way to begin grounding in the present moment. When you’re ready, then turn your attention to your mind and imagine a blank movie screen. Each person may see this differently – color, shape, size and so on. Focus your attention here and notice what images, thoughts, feelings arise. You can continue the first step until you feel complete. If you feel it helpful, you may jot down some notes from your experience.
 
Step 2: Channel – When you are ready you can move to a seated position and give yourself time to write on the paper you have near. On this paper you are welcome to free write, though I suggest you do it in letter form. You’re writing a letter to yourself channeling whatever wisdom you accessed during meditation. The goal here is not to push or strive, but to allow. See what comes forth with curiosity. Because we tend to have our defenses up, I would encourage you to write without censoring yourself for 3 to 5 pages and see what wisdom surfaces.  When you’re complete, read through your words. Are there any nuggets of wisdom that resonate? Did any metaphors come forward. What message did they have for you? Often messages are not straightforward, but more so coded in metaphor! As an example, perhaps your mind wandered to an image of a lion and your question was about moving across country. What qualities do you associate with a lion? What feelings arose when you saw the image?
 
Take a break here. Give yourself a day or two to metabolize what you’ve experienced and written.
 
Then move to Step 3: Create – Now, break out your art supplies and create a visual representation of whatever wisdom you received. You may use images or words for this. Some of the most effective pieces are simple phrases that concretize the wisdom we’ve received. Some people choose to make ‘word art’ while others make collages or drawings. This phase is about creating a visual representation of the wisdom we just downloaded. Make sure to place your artwork somewhere you can see it as a reminder that you are the holder of your own wisdom.
 
Step 4: Honor – Lastly, we move in to honoring the messages we received by taking action. What is the call to action? If you’re not sure, think back to the original question. While there’s not always a linear link between the two there is always a connection and there is much room for interpretation.
Here’s an example: Let’s say you were wondering if you should leave your job and the image you received in your meditation was a resting lion, which you interpreted as tempered courage. Perhaps then the honoring of the message is to practice stepping out of your comfort zone daily in preparation for the bigger move of leaving the job?

​What do you think? 

​Let us know and leave comments and questions below or reach out directly to learn more about my work with women and girls wanting to live their best authentic lives!
 
Till next time, wishing you health & ease,
Jessika

 You’re pretty sure you’re supposed to be excited these days, right? Here in the Bay Area Spring has sprung and businesses and schools are openings. Social restrictions are easing and vaccinations are finally happening. So why then do you feel overwhelmed or on-edge when you hear someone talk about post-quarantine life, like you’ve got some version of the Sunday Scaries?
 
Well, first let me say: You’re not the only one. Not by a long shot. While folks may not be talking publicly about post-quarantine anxiety, many are experiencing it. It’s also common to experience a mix of anxiety and excitement, craving connection and feeling fearful at the same time. It makes absolute sense when you look a the context.
 
We've  been living in social isolation for the better part of a year, but you knew that. The rest of the recap includes: a fire season fueled by climate change as well as rolling blackouts. All this, against a backdrop of political unrest and much needed social revolution. It’s been a year in which we navigated ongoing grief, loss and trauma, so much so that it became the norm and now our nervous systems may be on high alert. That’s the big picture.
 
On a micro level, many folks have been and continue to contemplate weighty questions about their personal lives – their relationships, communities, professions, purposes and so on. When all is said and done, folks are wondering what they’re going back to a/o what they’d like to build.
 
Truly, it’s a lot and it’s important to go at your own pace. It’s okay to go slow. Go fast. Dive in. Back up. Hideout. And try again. Trust yourself and your process. This transition is no small thing and it’s definitely not a race.
 
If you’re finding yourself overwhelmed or on edge, here are three strategies to start working with post-quarantine anxiety and stress.
 
Check your Narrative – Humans are storytelling creatures by nature and we’re always creating narratives to better understand our experience. These stories have power and if you find yourself going down the rabbit hole of worst case scenarios, it’s likely you’ll feel an increase in anxiety. The good news is we can re-write those narratives or expand them to include more possibility. Here’s an example: “There’s going to be pressure to attend social gathering and my friends are going to get mad at me because I don’t feel comfortable.” Vs “Restrictions are easing and I can go at my own pace. My friends will understand. ” If you’re interested in learning more  about shaping narratives check out my blog post on just that topic here.
 
Set Your Boundaries – Here, I’m referring specifically to setting boundaries around information intake whether through media or conversation. Start by being mindful of how much information about the pandemic is actually useful to you and at what point you begin to feel physical or emotional signs of anxiety. This may look like worrisome thoughts, tense shoulders or increased heart rate – as examples. Your boundary should come BEFORE you experience these symptoms. What would it be like for you to set and follow this boundary?
 
Express Your Feelings Creatively – Symptoms of anxiety, stress and trauma only gain power when keep them in. One way to metabolize your feelings is by expressing them creatively through art or writing. Give it a try! The idea here is to remove any censor and let yourself play with words, images, color, texture etc. You don’t need to create a pretty picture or perfect poem. This is for your eyes only. If you’re seeking prompts for your creative expression, join me on Instagram where I post expressive arts prompts every Thursday.
 
Before I sign off here, I’ll add that if you feel you could benefit from additional support, please reach out to a professional. In my practice, I specialize in supporting powerhouse women and girls in California, who struggle with anxiety, stress and trauma. Ya’ll know who you are, always thinking you need to get by on your own, but it doesn’t have to be that way! Having someone in your corner that gets you can make all the difference, especially during such an epic transition.

To learn more about my work and approach you can visit here or message me directly.  If you're interested in learning more about psychotherapy and clinicians in your area, you may want to check out the Inclusive Therapy Directory, as well as Therapy Den.
 
Till next time, wishing you health & ease,
Jessika
 
 

Most of us have experienced a dose of toxic positivity at one time or another. It tends to happen in the most vulnerable moments when we're feeling down or worried, reach out to a friend or family member for comfort and instead get a message like this: think positive or it could be worse.

If you find experiences like these disheartening, you're not alone. While the person telling you chin-up usually means well, the result can be jarring. It's also possible that the person doling out the advice just isn't comfortable with harder emotions and so their forced silver-lining-attitude is really an attempt at prioritizing their own feelings over your experience. 

In truth, pushing someone to think positively when they are feeling anything but, invalidates their experience. At best it can feel tone deaf and at worst it is a form of gas lighting leaving the person receiving the feedback doubting their own experience. 

A common scenario these days is based on feelings related to the pandemic. I'll often hear clients recount stories of sharing their grief or anxiety with someone and being received with "at least you're healthy" or "at least you have a job." 

In session, I support clients to unpack their experience more thoroughly, as well as relationship dynamics, but for the purposes of this post I'll say that yes, it may be true that someone is healthy and employed and there is plenty of room for gratitude there. At the same time, it may also be true that they are struggling with isolation, grief and worry about so many other aspects of the pandemic. Both can be true and one experience does not nullify the other. 

So, what to do when faced with the toxicity? Well, first recognize it for what it is. 

Pain, anger, sadness, grief, worry and the like are all part of the human experience. It is normal and healthy to experience these feelings. Please know that. 

After noting the dynamic that's taking shape you have the option of either naming it to the other person and making a request OR you can remove yourself from the situation if that feels better to you. The priority is to tend to your emotional injury. 

Next, consider seeking healthy support from a source you know to be emotionally safe - whether a family member, community leader or psychotherapist. Reparative experience (i.e. someone who listens, validates and attunes to you) is essential in the emotional healing process. 
 
If you’re need of support please feel free to reach out here! And to learn more about my approach to supporting women and girls you can visit my Web site here.
 
Till next time wishing you health & ease,
Jessika
 


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If you're reading this, I imagine you're someone who is drawn to the mysteries of life, just as you are the depths of your own inner world. You're a seeker of sorts. I get that. Me too.

Maybe you dabble with tarot cards or oracle decks, jot down your dreams intrigued by their messages, or spend time in nature attuning to the world around you. Maybe you meditate or maybe you pray to someone or no one in particular. Still, you've been longing for a more formal container to apply these practices to your own healing and personal growth. This is where PsychoSpiritual Counseling comes in - my version, at least.

Wait, that's a real thing?

It is!

While many approaches to therapy integrate spirituality or existential issues into the work, PsychoSpiritual Counseling in my practice focuses on and is rooted in matters of the spirit, developed specifically to support women as they delve deep and cultivate the kind of personal insight and power that helps them change their lives and ultimately, the world they live in.

This approach dovetails beautifully with Feminist Therapy which positions the client as the expert on her own experience, and with Expressive Arts Therapy which emphasizes 'other ways of knowing' and accessing our own inner wisdom through creative process.  

So, what does this all look like in practice? Good question. It really depends on you. 

Let's say, for example, you're a client struggling with trusting yourself and your decision-making process. We may look toward practices such as tarot cards to help you access your own inner knowing or connect with whatever higher power you feel akin to (if you do). In a situation like this, we may also pay closer attention to your dreams and utilize guided imagery to re-enter those dreams in a wakeful state to gain additional insight. 

Maybe the insight is just what you're looking for and we stop there, but if you're someone who is action-oriented, we can go the extra step and discuss concrete strategies (i.e. therapy homework) to integrate the guidance you've accessed into your daily life. We'll take wisdom to pragmatic action.

I want to pause here for just a moment just to make clear that the PsychoSpiritual Counseling I offer is based in therapeutic principles and ethics, it is not about me telling you what will happen, what to do or how to do it. If that's what you're seeking, there are absolutely folks out there who provide those services. Ultimately, I am here as a psychotherapist licensed by the state of California, to support you in accessing your own answers, which I truly believe you have. 

So, here are some hints that PsychoSpiritual Counseling may be right for you:

- You find yourself feeling energetically drained and want to learn new ways to take care of yourself.

- You want to develop a stronger level of intuition.

- You feel drawn to a more spiritually-connected life, but are unsure how to move forward with that desire.

- You were raised in a specific religious/spiritual tradition and you are now questioning that path. Maybe you're questioning everything.

- You feel stuck in grief and loss and need to process on a deeper level.

- You struggle with symptoms of anxiety and trauma, and want to reclaim a sense of personal power.

- You're just plain curious.

If you're interested in learning more about my PsychoSpiritual offerings, please check here or reach out here. I'd love to talk with you!

Till next time, wishing you health & ease, 

​Jessika

 I don't know about you, but I'm late to the planning party this year.

Normally by February, I've engaged in my visioning process for the upcoming year and am on my way to moving toward my goals. This year, however, not so much.

Like so many other folks, 2020 left me feeling deflated and at times just plain stuck. So I've been easing my way into this new year, tending to those feelings with radical self-compassion, while also wrapping my mind around  how to set meaningful goals in such uncertain times.

What I've come to is that to make plans, to set goals or intentions or pursue dreams right now, it requires a heightened degree of creativity, flexibility and openness in how these goals are met, as well as how quickly. But that doesn't mean we can't begin moving toward them. In fact, by navigating the process in a more fluid way, we are opening ourselves to opportunity instead of focusing on limiting factors. This is what is often referred to as "growth mindset."

So where to begin? Well, one of the exercises I regularly offer clients (and that I engage in myself), is that of daydreaming. I mean it! Despite what we may have been told as kids, daydreaming is valuable.

One way to engage in this practice is to set aside some quiet time in a comfy space. Ask yourself, what do you want your ideal day or month or year to look like? Shut your eyes and let your imagination do its thing. How do you feel? What spaces are you in? How do you fill your days? What colors, smells, textures, symbols or literal images come to mind? 

Another way to begin is by utilizing tarot cards to access your intuition in this planning process. Before shuffling the cards, ask yourself : What is the highest wisdom available to me for the coming year? Note your response to the cards, your own associations and if it feels appropriate you can research the traditional meanings. If tarot is new to you, feel free to check out my blog post about therapeutic tarot. 

From here, I suggest externalizing what you envisioned either through writing in detail or creating a visual representation - a drawing, vision board or sculpture are all possibilities. Lately, I've been encouraging clients to utilize Pinterest to make vision boards if they want a more portable vision board to glance at.  

Once you've got the vision, the goal setting becomes easier and more fun! For instance, if what you want is to feel energized, take a moment to list out a few enjoyable actions you can take to help cultivate that feeling. If what you want is to travel (and physically that is not possible at the moment), perhaps you are actively putting aside funds to be prepared for when you are able or you're learning a new language or reading about cultures and taking virtual tours. 

I will add here that no matter what your goal or intention, it is very helpful to schedule in your action items so your calendar is reflecting the life you're intending to cultivate. Even if it's just a half hour here and 20 minutes there, scheduling activities and tasks that are meaningful to us help create a feeling of living on purpose, with purpose. 

As poet Mary Oliver wrote, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" 

I really do want to know.

Till next time, wishing you health & ease, 
Jessika 









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Even before COVID, one of the most common experiences I would hear from clients was one of wanting, craving connection. Sometimes the context was romantic partnership, but just as often it was about cultivating more meaningful friendships or intentional community as an adult woman. This sentiment was and is typically followed with how challenging the process can be with full schedules, physical distance and now social distancing.
 
I hear it. As we change and grow over time, it makes sense that there may be shifting in our social landscapes, and things can often feel sparse before they blossom again. But I’ll offer that the logistical challenges that come with developing new relationships in adulthood may also be a gift or an invitation to take pause and get clear on what types of relationships we actually want in our lives. It’s then that we can move forward intentionally, mindfully.  
 
Interestingly, when I ask folks to envision who they would want to share their time with they often name character traits of others they view as compatible, sometimes even careers those people may have. This isn't a "bad" strategy per se, but it may be limiting. If ever there was a time to rely on intuition and emotional intelligence, this would be it … when we’re seeking our people, yes? 

So what if instead of making lists of character traits, we took the time to consider how we’d like to feel in our relationships? 

Examples: I want to feel heard, I want to feel received, I want to feel joyful and at ease, I want to feel accepted as my full self.

And what if instead of seeking folks with similar career paths, we again pause to take inventory of our values and seek out others who might share them. Examples: I value self-inquiry, I value humor and goofiness, I value social equity. I value creativity.
 
It's a different approach than many of us are used to, I know. But by tapping into our emotional needs this way, we are more able to bypass preconceived ideas of who might actually add to our lives and vice versa. We're able to feel our way in to relationships and be curious. Do I feel expansive and giving when I'm spending time with someone? Or do I feel guarded and shutdown? Do I feel energized and resourced? Or do I feel drained from giving with little reciprocity? 

There's a lot of information to be had by paying attention in this way.  And from a more informed place, we're able to ask important questions of ourselves and make healthier decisions. Is this a relationship I want to pursue? Is there a disconnect and is it something I want to address and work on? Or is this a deal breaker?

I'll wrap up here by noting that if the concept of 'trusting your gut'  feels scary or foreign, you're not alone in that. Reasons ranging from relational trauma to cultural conditioning can attribute to a basic mistrust of our feelings and intuition, especially when it comes to relationships. The result can look like numbing out or even explaining away our feelings.

Seeking out support through psychotherapy, coaching and/or group work may feel nourishing and helpful in the process. If you're interested in learning more about how I work with women and girls around this very topic, please feel free to reach out. I'd love to hear from you. 

Till Next Time, Wishing You Health & Ease,
Jessika