Last week's post was about identifying and unpacking the anxiety many introverts feel as they navigate a world based on extroverted preferences. This week, let's take the conversation to the next level.
How do folks who are more introverted live their best lives when conditions can be at best uncomfortable and at worst, panic-inducing. Well, one approach is to live life on your own terms (as often as you are able), while also having an emotional first aid kit ready for when circumstances are limiting and you just can't.
I know naming your terms is often easier said than done, but let's give it a try and explore ways you may have more power in your life than you may think.
Here are a few starting points ...
I hope these strategies are of some support to your introverted souls! I'd love to hear how else you care for your yourselves. Please feel free to leave comments - you never know who you'll reach!
Till Next Time,
Many of my clients seek my help to "manage their anxiety."
I hear these phrases regularly: I feel more comfortable at home. I don't like going to school/work. I get nervous in groups of people. My heart beats faster when I hear loud noises, and so on ...
Well, come to find out many, if not most, of the women and girls I see in my practice are introverted, and many had no idea. The feelings of unease, worry and panic they experience are in response to a world that is made for extroverted folks.
The majority of my clients are creative, intelligent, sensitive and highly introverted, yet at some point in their lives, usually early on, they had been pathologized for not adapting to or even thriving in environments based on extroverted preferences.
For those that are confused by the terms introverted and extroverted, put simply, introverts recharge in quiet and tend to prefer small groups or one-to-one social interaction, while extroverts tend to recharge via social activity and enjoy large groups. There is of course a spectrum, but in general we talk about folks as being introverts or extroverts to better understand their social needs.
That said, much of my work with introverted clients focuses on (1) helping them understand their reactions are understandable and (2) helping them identify ways to best take care of themselves in an extroverted world.
This can be tricky, and goes far beyond avoiding loud music festivals. Work and school environments are moving toward project-based learning and team models, which can be draining for those who are more introverted. Bright lights, sounds and scents can be overwhelming. Too much talking can be overwhelming. And so it goes ...
In next week's post, I'll talk about specific strategies to care for your introverted soul. But until then, from one introvert to another, know your introversion is not a flaw!
Till next time,
Often I am asked why I chose to focus my psychotherapy practice on the support of self-identified women and girls, and I always appreciate the question because it prompts me to pause and consider my journey. The truth is, I didn’t think this is the work I would be doing in the world.
In fact, my previous experience in community mental health agencies had almost entirely focused on the emotional health of boys who were tangled up in foster care and/or juvenile justice systems, as well as facing extensive systematic oppression. It was humbling work that felt important, and I’d be remiss if I said I don’t miss it sometimes.
But in the last election cycle things shifted for me. Like all of you, I watched as an unqualified man spewed misogynistic and racist slurs, while admitting to sexual assault – and still he was elected as president.
I’ll spare you the play-by-play recap, but for me it was heartbreaking and enraging. In the weeks that followed it became clear to me that I wanted my practice to support the so-called nasty women and girls in the world. To provide a space for them to express, heal and cultivate resiliency, and to unapologetically become the fullest versions of themselves.
The opening of my private practice happened to coincide with the inauguration of Donald Trump and the Women’s March in late January 2017. I knew definitively that I wanted to work from an intersectional feminist therapy framework, which is psychotherapy speak for an approach that takes into account not only the personal experiences of clients, but also their unique social and political experiences.
While the field of psychotherapy has historically pathologized women (think: Hysteria), intersectional feminist therapy shifts the power balance by placing the client as the expert of her own experience, views the therapeutic relationship as collaborative and embraces a commitment to equality. This way of working feels natural to me, and revolutionary.
To be sure, the issues women and girls face existed long before the election of Donald Trump (as did the issues facing all marginalized people), and still in our lives we may have pivotal moments, whether they be casual conversations or historical events, that make our paths clear. For me, this was one of them.
Now a year and a half later, I can’t say that politically things are looking any better. This was a rough week for those of us that are worried about reproductive rights … or human rights for that matter, but I continue to hold the hope as I bare witness to stories of wounding, healing and resiliency.
I hope you will tell your own stories, listen to others and seek support when you need it. I am here. Others are here. These are not easy times, but we are strong and I believe we will persist.
Till Next Time,
Admittedly, I am a couple of days late with this post, but that’s okay. One of my 2018 intentions was to spend more time in nature, and I realized as of late I haven’t been making the necessary time. So for a solo summer solstice celebration I took myself to the Russian River to soak in the beauty, play in the water and welcome a new season. It was glorious. I am back feeling refreshed and connected.
For those that aren’t familiar with the term, summer solstice is the first day of summer and essentially marks a halfway point through the calendar year. From here on out the daylight hours grow incrementally shorter. And is an auspicious time to take inventory of your year thus far.
Here are some questions to think about:
If necessary, now is a great time to course-correct by reprioritizing; scheduling time for the things and people who matter; as well as assessing what supports you need to show up for the life you want to live. That support may look like therapy and coaching or may be rooted in spiritual practice, a support group, relationships, community or ideally a mixture of some of the above.
Most of all, it’s important to remember this process does not need to be shame-inducing or stressful. It can be creative and joyful as we pause, assess and re-plan accordingly.
In keeping with the theme of taking inventory, I have exciting news to share.
Six months ago when I transitioned full-time to private practice, I took an interim office space while I continued to actively dream of and seek an office space that would allow for the expressive arts therapy component of my practice to come more fully alive (ie space to make a mess!)
As many of you know, real estate in the Bay Area is no joke and it’s been a challenging quest – however I think I’ve landed in the right spot.
As of last week, I am moved in to a new unique office space. It is set in a lush garden setting with a rustic feel. The actual office space is cozy and serene, with a talk therapy space as well as an art therapy nook. This new space also allows for me to offer additional weekly sessions.
I’ve included some photos below for a preview, but I invite you to visit! I’m curious to hear how your year is going, about your successes and challenges, and how I can support you, creatively and joyfully, live in alignment with your intentions for the second half of 2018.
Till next time,
In January’s e-newsletter I highlighted the work of Bay Area artist Courtney Privett . You may not know her by name, but if you were at all present on social media the months leading up to and following the first Women’s March, you’ve probably seen at least some of her art. Privett uses imagery combined with text to draw attention to the harmful messages women receive filtered through different levels of privilege (i.e. race, ability, body type, sexual orientation and so on). The talented Brazilian artist Carol Rosetti, shown above, does the same, while focusing on everyday acts of women’s resistance to those messages.
I remember seeing their art for the first time, along with many artists who are doing similar types of work, and thinking: Yes! That’s exactly it. This is why I have dedicated my psychotherapy practice to the support of girls and women*.
I witness (and, admittedly, experience) the emotional toll toxic messages take on even the most resilient women and girls, such as lowered self-esteem, pervasive worry, emotional depletion, difficulty speaking up … just to name a few.
For the purposes of this post, I’m focusing on just a few incremental daily practices that women and girls can incorporate to help cultivate a feeling of personal power in a world that often negates our attempts. Some of these practices may seem foreign and even uncomfortable at first, so I encourage you to be patient with yourself if you choose to give them a try and seek additional support if needed.
And lastly, if you are interested in exploring the theme of personal power more deeply, you are invited to attend Your Powerful Self: An Expressive Arts Workshop for Self-Identified Women in June 2018. No arts experience is necessary to participate. Please feel free to message me with questions or to register. I hope to meet you there!
As always please feel free to leave comments and suggestions below. You never know whom you may help.
Till next time,
Three Strategies for Cultivating Personal Power
Reclaiming Mental Space
I’m too ___. I haven’t achieved enough ____. If only I was ______. What do you spend your days thinking about? If you are already aware of the messaging you’ve internalized and want to reclaim and/or shift that energy, replacement thoughts (aka affirmations) are a great way to start. For a creative spin on affirmations (and one of my favorite art therapy directives), you can take a deck of blank art cards (available at most art supply stores) and create your own deck of affirmation cards with images and matching affirmations of your choosing to review regularly. Check out an example below.
Reclaiming Physical Space
To varying degrees, women and girls are taught their bodies and personal space are not their own. As a woman, you may notice this when someone you barely know puts a hand on your shoulder to get a point across, or someone simply stands too close for comfort. In childhood, girls often experience boundary violations through forced hugging, rather than adults asking for their consent first.
I often encourage my clients to practice stating feelings, needs and requests associated with physical space. This intervention is rooted in Non Violent Communication (NVC) and may sound something like: “I feel uncomfortable when you stand so close. I need space. Can you give me some space?”
I want to acknowledge NVC may not feel right for everyone, and in some cases may not even feel safe to practice. I encourage my clients to trust themselves. Often, simply noticing your relationship to space or physically moving yourself when you notice feelings of discomfort, are solid first steps in reclaiming what’s yours.
Tracking Emotional Labor
How often do you find yourself pulled into a support role without full consent or reciprocity? The concept of emotional labor is becoming increasingly common as more attention is paid to the unacknowledged roles women take up in their homes, offices and community spaces. The women and girls I work with are not always ready to make sweeping changes, and in some cases, are ready, but for many reasons aren’t yet able.
That said, begin where you are; small steps add up over time.
Notice when you’re extending yourself due to conditioning or unspoken expectation. Is someone at work asking to “pick your brain” when you have already have an endless to do list? Do casual acquaintances seek emotional support when you haven’t consented to do so? These are times to reclaim the moment and know your limits. If setting boundaries feels too overwhelming, offsetting the impact of emotional labor with increased self-care, whatever you perceive self-care to be, is another good starting point. For some ideas on simple self-care practice check out my previous blog post!
Here’s an invitation; let’s play a quick game of free association. If I say spring, you say ____?
I doubt it comes as a surprise that people are quick to associate words like renewal, light, growth, all of which paint a serene picture of springtime. And for good reason-- the beauty and fervor are real.
But for many among us, there’s more to the picture, even if it rarely gets talked about on social media or in casual conversation.
Springtime marks a significant transition period, and transitions can be tricky business.
As the days grow lighter and we’re moving from the stillness of winter to longer days and social expectation of heightened activity, many of the girls and women I work with with report increased irritability and feelings of overwhelm while also looking forward to the change.
It’s a both/and situation, and to me such a response makes perfect sense, as we’re adjusting physiologically and psychologically. Spring’s gift – a whopping jolt of energy - can be both exciting and anxiety-producing, especially for the more sensitive among us.
So how then how do we move forward through this transition period with a sense of ease rather than overwhelm? The word that comes to mind is gently … and with an increased emphasis on self-care.
Below are just a few of my go-to practices when thinking about caring for ourselves during transition periods. Please take what resonates and feel free to reshape, recolor, rename and make it your own. And if you have practices you utilize and you’d like to share, please feel free to leave your wisdom in the comments section. You never know whom you’ll help.
Till next time …
Three Simple Practices for Transitional Times
1.Nature as ally
I am a strong advocate of spending solitary time in nature, feeling your feet on the earth, and taking note. What colors are soothing and how can you bring them into your home or office? What animals and plants do you notice as you take your walk? What lessons can they bring? As of late, I’ve been noticing banana slugs – talk about slowing down! If wooded trails aren’t your thing, a walk in a local park or even your neighborhood can be grounding. The key though is to focus your attention on your feet touching the earth as you walk. Breathe in and out, remember you are both supported and connected.
2. Tending the body
In my opinion, there is no one-way to support our bodies, but our bodies must be supported for a healthy mind and spirit. I encourage my clients to regularly check in with their own needs and plan accordingly. Do I need more rest or more activity? If I do need activity, will an active run help settle me or do I need a calming walk through the hills? Do I need raw food or cooked? If you’re not sure, you can experiment with different routines, and track your response. The goal here is not to add another task to our day, but to approach self-care with a sense of curiosity and exploration.
And lastly, but certainly not least …
3. Creativity and Expression
As an expressive arts therapist, I utilize all types of creative interventions in my practice with clients. The goal here is to externalize the emotions that are arising during periods of transition so you don’t hold them inside. For a simple technique to use at home, pick your favorite medium (e.g. clay, watercolor, markers) and give yourself permission to engage playfully. Give your emotions a place to go and see what emerges. If you are someone who is drawn to words over images, grab a pen and 8 ½ x 11 paper, unlined. Let’s end where this blog post began … free association. Pick a word that best describes your mood at present and begin writing without stopping until the page is full. Again, see what emerges both on the page and in your heart.